Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
