if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize