I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
