Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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