I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
