Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
