You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
