PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
