In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
