i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Is it penis luge time yet?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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