you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
