I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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