This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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