you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
