I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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