do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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