Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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