Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
