as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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