try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
