she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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