do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
