I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can't turn off my feet"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize