I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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