Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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