I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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