i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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