Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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