u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
