i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
