i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
