Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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