I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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