You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
