is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
