Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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