where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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