I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize