Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Randomize
