tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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