I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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