I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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