Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
