R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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