i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
