I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
