You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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