I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
