I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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