What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
