I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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