I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
then he tried to convert me to islam
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize