she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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