the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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