Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
