No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
