I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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