I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
