i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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