i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
