Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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