I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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