hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
