He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Are my feet made of real feet?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize