You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
