I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
