Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize