I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And then the night went full on bisexual.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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