There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
