Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry my hands just texted you
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
