ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
