help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
