I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This show inspires me to have sex in space
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
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