i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize