Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
This toilet bowl is my home.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
