that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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