I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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