I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
