I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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