I have demons in me.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize