the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
