i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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