the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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