Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
