Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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