yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
