Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
