You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
