He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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