i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
