found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize