I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize