That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
