the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
