Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
