Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
In other news, I just burned my penis
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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