It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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