Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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