i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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