He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
