she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
