I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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