she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
