just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
