so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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