The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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