Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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