Buhtt sex?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
