just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
