Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
