can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
