I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize