and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Did I show you my penis last night?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
