I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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