So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
