we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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