i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I want to fling myself into the sun
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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