i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
