She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
