i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
