Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
