the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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