Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
