The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
