Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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